Disqualified: (of a person) declared ineligible for an office, activity, or competition because of an offense or infringement. BASICALLY Not Good Enough
Have you ever felt called to do something in your life… but the thoughts of inadequacy led you to disqualify yourself? A time when there was not another person who said “you can’t”... but it was you… you told yourself you couldn’t, you weren’t good enough, you weren’t smart enough, you weren’t talented enough? Maybe you heard God wrong. Where everything just feels so wrong. My friends, I felt disqualified to write this specific blog post today. This has been something I have been working on for the last five months. So here it goes, join me on the journey from the tight grasps of disqualification to freedom.
Sometimes I feel disqualified. Like what I have to say is not good enough. Sometimes I feel God’s calling on my life; where I feel that he is directing me to share these words with the world, and enter into a life of ministry… but then doubt creeps in. That voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, strong enough, wise enough, talented enough. But then time and time again I’m reminded that our God is a loving father and anything that tears you down and discourages you, is not from him…but it’s hard to remember that when all you feel is disqualified.
Last May, I went to a women’s conference where I had the amazing opportunity to hear Lisa Harper speak. [Lisa Harper is a fantastic Christian speaker and writer!] She was telling a story about how, even though she was a Christian, and doing God's work, she did not believe that she deserved his forgiveness and his freedom. She preached it, but she didn’t believe it for herself… and that resonated with me so much… because that was my story! For years I was a Christian, but I truly didn’t feel God‘s presence or peace because I truly felt that what had happened in my past had disqualified me. Through the hills and valleys of life… my relationship with God has changed and transformed. I now am so blessed to have his peace over my life through his presence. But the feelings of disqualification…I wish I could say they were gone forever.
Over the past six months I have questioned writing these blogs or what God is calling me to do. I am so proud of the words I have written, and proud of myself for sharing some of my darkest days… And then the painful voice of doubt and despair will creep in again. Until I hear the voice of my number one fan, my Heavenly father reminding me that not every book is a best seller, not every team is a winner and not every song will top the charts but that doesn’t mean you quit. I’m not quite sure what I was waiting for… maybe someone from the Billy Graham library to stumble across my blog posts… hoist me up on their metaphorical shoulders and give me a Pulitizer. Give me my own slot on TBN (The Bible Network). Book deals, speaking engagements. That’s pride. That’s a whole new sin I didn’t realize I struggled with. That is me- hoping that someone with prestige and power would read my words and commend me, give me a job on their Church staff… instead of my words reaching just one reader who needs them. All that needs to happen is for one reader, maybe they live in Wisconsin (I literally don’t know anyone who lives, has ever lived or even visited Wisconsin) to read my blog- to read the story of how God moved in my life and saved me by his unwavering, unending, immeasurable grace (nothing I did);.....and for that to be a small seed that could spark a change in their life. I may not cure cancer, or win a nobel… but if I can point one person to God… then I will truly be living up to what God has called me to do.
But I know that Lisa Harper and I are not alone with these feelings of disqualification. There have been countless examples of those who have been chosen and called by God to do miraculous things and they too, felt disqualified. From Moses, to David, Simon Peter to Gideon; Jacob to Joseph. The Bible is riddled with stories of average people who God used to change the world. People who may not have been eloquent speakers, strong fighters, talented leaders, or even worthy of their titles. When Moses was called to speak to Pharaoh; he did not have the words to say, so God sent him his brother Aaron; to speak for him. When Joshua was in battle; Moses had to keep his arms extended, but when he grew weak- it was his brother Aaron and Hur who helped him and held his hands. David was just a shepherd boy, not a trained warrior, but God used him to defeat Goliath and then lead the nation of Israel. Simon Peter was just a fisherman who made many mistakes but also spoke one of the most famous sermons in the New Testament on Pentecost, which sparked the modern church and changed the course of history forever. Gideon was the weakest in his family, who was the weakest clan, and God chose him to lead his people. Jacob was the second born, with a name that literally meant deceiver. He was the man who scammed his older twin brother for the blessing of a lifetime, yet he became known as Israel; meaning Price of God. He was a man who wrestled with God and yet remained strong in his faith; becoming the father of the twelve tribes of Israel. And Joseph… a boy who was more than disqualified to lead a nation. He was a boy thrown in a pit, sold into slavery, and had every reason to lose faith and believe the lies he was told. But he did the opposite- he believed when all hope was lost and not only saved his family, the twelve tribes of Israel but the entire nation. The words written in the Old and New Testament aren’t just stories… They are records; written records of God’s amazing work through ordinary people who may very well have felt as if they were not enough, disqualified in their own way. But many of those people are also recorded in Hebrews Chapter 11; also known as the Hall Of Heroes.
I often have to remind myself that God doesn’t make broken toys. Our experiences in life may have wounded us, changed us, maybe even broken us- leading us to believe that we can never be whole again. Disqualifying us from a future of freedom, joy and peace. But those are lies. The truth is… whoever the Son sets free, is free indeed. We are children of God. In our father's house there is a place for us. We are chosen not forsaken. We are worthy. Which means that no matter how strong the feelings of disqualification are…We cannot give up, we cannot lose faith. My sweet friends, if you are feeling those feelings in your life; feelings of being disqualified- feelings of being not good enough- not measuring up- not worthy, feeling disqualified at home, or in your job, in relationships or because of a past so dark you want to hide it forever? I want to share with you the good good news. We have a good good Father and his holy Spirit has something amazing for you. He washed your sins white as snow when he sent his Son down to earth to die a sinner's death for us. And with that he has taken all of our shame, our feelings of unworthiness, feelings of shame and disqualified. All we have to do is run to him, arms wide open and honest. Confessing our sins and vowing to obey, love, honor and follow him- as best as we can all of our days. God has a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us. He has called us. He has qualified us. In his letter to the Corinthians Paul writes “It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God” (2 Corinthians 3:5 NLT) and in Philippians he reminds us that we can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)- even things we feel disqualified to do.